Bollywood Jokes 3
Joke 1:
Keshto and His Wife:
Kesto Mukherjee had a little too much to drink one day. He was driving home from the bar one night and, of course, his car was weaving violently all over the road.
A hawaldar pulls him over and asked, "kahan se aa rahe ho?"
"Iiiizzzzze! daru khane se! izzzeezzzeh!" slurs Kesto.
"Lagta hai ke aapne bahot pee rakhi hai"
"Hehheha. Lekin mai thik hu!" Kesto says in his usual style.
"Lekin aapko pata hai," says the hawaldar, "kuchh der pahle pahle aapki biwi car se gir gayi?
"Iiizzzzzezzzeeh! Tab to sab thik hai" sighs Kesto, "thodi der ke liye to apne ko laga...izzzezze...ke apun behra ho gaya hun....hehhehe".
Joke 2:
Bollywood Stars in Call Centers
Ever imagined how it would be when we see Bollywood stars in BPO industry, taking calls of the customers. We dont feel pity for bollywood, but what will happen to customers. God! save them…
Amitabh: Thank you for calling customer care. Rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hain filhaal ek customer care agent hain.
Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amitabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha.
Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha.
Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha.
uske baad, uske baad mere bhai, Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga.
Dharmendra: Thank you for calliiiiingg. .
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aa raha hoon maa.
Customer: I am unable to use your product, its waste and worthless.
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon pee jaaonga.
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne mat naachna
Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai.
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh, seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna, haaaaaaaaa!! !
Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain mil jayegi. Hum angrezon ke zamaane ke agent hain..haahhaaa
Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye.
Customer: hi
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko, tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon. Police mien report likha..
Shakti: AAAuuuuuu… mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyara sa agent hooon..
Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi … thank you ji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga… ye dyevi nai ji … ye to dyeva hai…
Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai. May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit: Mona darling. Tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear, Agar hum tumhe hamara manager de denge to hamein manage kaun karega.
Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHA ….Jo dargaya wo maraga… batao tumhen kya chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar: Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suaar Ke baccho, sirf $10.00, dhikkaar hai
Prem Chopra: Prem…Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra…
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle
Rajkumar : Jaani, Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani… ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes… otherwise I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena, manager humko dara sake manager mein itna dum nahi, humse hai manager, manager se hum nahi.
Lastly…
Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk kkkkkkk (Stuck at K)
Customer hung up the phone…
Joke 3:
Bhakt ki Guzaarish
Bhakt : Meri shadi Aishwarya se kara do.
Bhagwan : Uski ek saree 1 lac ki hai, tu kharcha kar payega.
Bhakt : Koi upay bhagvan
Bhagvan : Mallika Sherawat.
Joke 4:
Basanti and Dhanno ki izzat ka sawaal hai
Basanti : Bhag Dhanno bhag, aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawal hai.
Dhanno : Tujhe apni padi hai meri soch jiske peeche GABBAR ke 10 ghode pade hai.
Joke 5:
What if doctors make films
Socho agar doctor film banate to title kya hota?
1. Kabhi khansi kabhi jukam
2. kaho naa bukhar hai
3. TB no 1
4. Kal patient ho na ho
5. Hum blood de chuke sanam
Keshto and His Wife:
Kesto Mukherjee had a little too much to drink one day. He was driving home from the bar one night and, of course, his car was weaving violently all over the road.
A hawaldar pulls him over and asked, "kahan se aa rahe ho?"
"Iiiizzzzze! daru khane se! izzzeezzzeh!" slurs Kesto.
"Lagta hai ke aapne bahot pee rakhi hai"
"Hehheha. Lekin mai thik hu!" Kesto says in his usual style.
"Lekin aapko pata hai," says the hawaldar, "kuchh der pahle pahle aapki biwi car se gir gayi?
"Iiizzzzzezzzeeh! Tab to sab thik hai" sighs Kesto, "thodi der ke liye to apne ko laga...izzzezze...ke apun behra ho gaya hun....hehhehe".
Joke 2:
Bollywood Stars in Call Centers
Ever imagined how it would be when we see Bollywood stars in BPO industry, taking calls of the customers. We dont feel pity for bollywood, but what will happen to customers. God! save them…
Amitabh: Thank you for calling customer care. Rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hain filhaal ek customer care agent hain.
Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amitabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha.
Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha.
Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha.
uske baad, uske baad mere bhai, Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga.
Dharmendra: Thank you for calliiiiingg. .
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aa raha hoon maa.
Customer: I am unable to use your product, its waste and worthless.
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon pee jaaonga.
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne mat naachna
Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai.
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh, seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna, haaaaaaaaa!! !
Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain mil jayegi. Hum angrezon ke zamaane ke agent hain..haahhaaa
Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye.
Customer: hi
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko, tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon. Police mien report likha..
Shakti: AAAuuuuuu… mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyara sa agent hooon..
Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi … thank you ji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga… ye dyevi nai ji … ye to dyeva hai…
Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai. May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit: Mona darling. Tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear, Agar hum tumhe hamara manager de denge to hamein manage kaun karega.
Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHA ….Jo dargaya wo maraga… batao tumhen kya chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar: Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suaar Ke baccho, sirf $10.00, dhikkaar hai
Prem Chopra: Prem…Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra…
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle
Rajkumar : Jaani, Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani… ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes… otherwise I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena, manager humko dara sake manager mein itna dum nahi, humse hai manager, manager se hum nahi.
Lastly…
Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk kkkkkkk (Stuck at K)
Customer hung up the phone…
Joke 3:
Bhakt ki Guzaarish
Bhakt : Meri shadi Aishwarya se kara do.
Bhagwan : Uski ek saree 1 lac ki hai, tu kharcha kar payega.
Bhakt : Koi upay bhagvan
Bhagvan : Mallika Sherawat.
Joke 4:
Basanti and Dhanno ki izzat ka sawaal hai
Basanti : Bhag Dhanno bhag, aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawal hai.
Dhanno : Tujhe apni padi hai meri soch jiske peeche GABBAR ke 10 ghode pade hai.
Joke 5:
What if doctors make films
Socho agar doctor film banate to title kya hota?
1. Kabhi khansi kabhi jukam
2. kaho naa bukhar hai
3. TB no 1
4. Kal patient ho na ho
5. Hum blood de chuke sanam
